On Main Character Syndrome, Identity Theft, and the introduction of Jimmy Con I've suffered from main character syndrome for most of my life. I suppose having an extraordinarily overdramatic mother helped establish that foundation pretty early. In our household, life wasn't simply lived. It was performed. Every inconvenience had the potential to become a crisis. Every disagreement could escalate into a three-act tragedy. Every emotional disturbance required an audience, prefe

I’m convinced that if Scary Bear had a voice, it would belong to none other than Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson. Why, you might ask? Why the fuck not? Look at him. Doesn’t he just look like he’d have that lazy, slightly slurred Queens drawl that 50 acquired after taking a bullet through the cheek? That unmistakable combination of menace, amusement and complete disregard for anyone else’s feelings? And the laugh. 50 Cent has one of the greatest laughs in recorded human history. It’s

There are certain things that happen during childhood that, for reasons nobody can adequately explain, become permanent fixtures in your brain. Core memories. Not necessarily the important stuff. Not birthdays, graduations (I only had one, by the skin of my teeth, or because they just wanted me gone), or those carefully orchestrated moments your parents spent hundreds of dollars trying to make memorable. Sometimes it’s something completely fucking ridiculous. I have a few. On